is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
