There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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