Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
