I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
