i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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