can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
