ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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