rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think I won the penis lottery.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
