a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize