I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
