so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
