She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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