Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
