I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
