Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She needs sedatives and a leash
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
