you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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