I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
