P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
