Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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