Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
