why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize