Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Randomize