i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
