The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
