How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
