I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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