Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
