Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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