i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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