Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
