The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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