so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
