5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
