there was a trapeze. enough said
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
