READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
