I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize