You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If I die, sorry about rent.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
