it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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