A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
