why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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