I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Where is the hickey?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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