i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
