I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
