You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
