I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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