Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
