Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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