Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
