I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
