I am midnight drunk by noon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
