The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
false alarm, still single
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