why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
