we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
