There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
