Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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