if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize