Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
