At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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