So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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