Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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