my phone needs a breathalizer
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
