Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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