I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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