were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
