party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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