The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
