If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
