Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he was CRYING into my vagina
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
