TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
