That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
