I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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