Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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