you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
