And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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