Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
