I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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