just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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