Buhtt sex?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
