3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
