just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
