My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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