I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Fuck appropriateness.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize