I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
