Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
