I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
