Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
