I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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