he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize