I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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