Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
