Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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