Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
