Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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