in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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