Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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