I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
