we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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