..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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